5 essential tips to improve your influence skills

“If we want to say something in a way that others will hear, we have to think about them, about their values and their frames of reference – not just about ourselves” – Margaret Heffernen

This is one of my all-time favourite quotes when it comes to influence. It gets to the heart of why some people are more influential than others. It’s because they think more about their audience than they do about themselves.

Jay A Conger, in an article for Harvard Business Review, suggests there are three common assumptions and mistakes when it comes to influence.

1. Attempting to make your case with an up-front hard sell.
2. Resisting compromise. Seeing it as win/lose (as in you win, they lose).
3. Seeing persuasion as one shot and you’re done.

However, the most effective influencers understand that influence is an iterative process, involving:

• Listening to people
• Testing your position
• Developing an updated position which reflects input from others
• Testing your updated position
• Incorporating compromises
• Trying again

Here are my top 5 tips to help you become more influential.

Tip 1: Be intentional about the approach you take

If we’re clear about our objectives, and we know our audience (their likes, dislikes, motivations etc.) then we can be smart and intentional about the strategies we use to influence.

Robert Cialdini is one of the world’s leading experts when it comes to influence. His book, Influence: The psychology of persuasion, remains a best seller 40 years after it was first published, in 1984. In his book, he outlined the six principles of influence he had identified through his scientific research and his work with corporate clients. In 2021, he updated the book to include a new, seventh principle.

Here are some ideas to bring each of the principles to life in a work context:

SCARCITY	When things become less available, we want them more.	Example: Grab a key stakeholder’s attention, “Just got this information today. It won’t be shared with anyone else until next week.”
SOCIAL PROOF	We’re influenced by others’ opinions.	Example: Use peer power to get people on board. Find the most listened to person and get them on board first.
COMMITMENT AND CONSISTENCY	We’re likely to do something if we’ve done it before. We’re likely to act if we publicly commit to something.	Example: Get people to sign up to an initiative in writing, sharing the commitments publicly.
AUTHORITY	Many of us obey authority figures (this is more so in some cultures), but we must accept their power and position for this to work.	Example: Don’t assume your expertise is self-evident. In conversations before an important meeting, share when you have successfully implemented elsewhere the thing you want to do.
LIKING	We’re more likely to be influenced by someone we like.	Example: Similarity: Create bonds by finding things in common with colleagues. Common interests and values help establish goodwill and trust. Praise: Charm and disarm. Positive remarks can lead to people getting on board.
RECIPROCITY	We’re more likely to do something for someone when they’ve done something for us.	Example: Lend a fellow manager who needs help one of your team. They’re more likely to help when you need it.

Tip 2: Develop your political savviness

No. I’m not talking about your voting tactics in a national election. I’m talking about organisational politics.

All too often, people I work with have quite an emotional and negative reaction when asked how they feel about organisational politics. And yet, organisational politics in and of itself isn’t good or bad. People make it so. But the most successful people know that being politically savvy is an essential part of being an effective influencer and an essential leadership skill. In her research, Georgia Chao identified the factors that separate the politically savvy from those who aren’t. I’ve turned these into questions to ask yourself:

• How well do you know how things “really work” inside your organisation?
• Who are the most influential people in your organisation? They’re not always or solely the people in hierarchical leadership roles. More on this later.
• How good is your understanding of politics in your organisation?
• How sure are you of what needs to be done to get opportunities in your organisation?
• How good is your understanding of the motives behind the actions of others in your organisation?
• Who are the most important people in getting your work done, in your organisation?

Tip 3: Remember, listening is a big part of influence

“Seek first to understand, then be understood” – Stephen R Covey

In their research involving more than 3,000 managers, Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman found that the best listeners did the following things:

1. They behave in ways that make the other person(s) feel safe and supported.
2. They take a helping, co-operative stance in the dialogue.
3. They occasionally ask questions that gently and constructively challenge old assumptions.
4. They make occasional suggestions to open up alternative paths.

How well are you doing against each of these four criteria?

In her book, The Coaching Manual, Julie Starr outlines four levels of listening:

Level 1: Cosmetic listening – a passive form of listening. We may give the impression of listening but we’re thinking of something else.

Level 2: Conversational listening – another passive form of listening, where we’re engaged in both listening and talking.

Level 3: Active listening – we’re focused on what the other person is saying, and we give them our full attention.

Level 4: Deep listening – a more potent form of active listening where we are intensely focused on the words, meanings, and patterns expressed by the other person and not what they will say next.

Most of us operate at levels 1 to 2, with some at level 3, very few at level 4.

What one thing can you do to get better at deep listening?

Tip 4: Find others to help you

In the second tip, I asked if you know who the most influential people are in your organisation. In their research, Innovisor found that around 3% of people in an organisation influence 85% of other employees.

These 3% are known as ‘super connectors’ and they are a vital part of YOUR influence strategy. This is because:

• They have the relationships, networks, content and context
• They have a track record of influencing the perceptions of others.
• They tend to be the go-to people for advice.
• They are great at making sense of things for others.They tend to be trusted by peers more than formal leaders are trusted
• Ironically, they tend to be unknown to formal leaders – who are missing a massive trick!

This last point is doubly ironic as, according to strategist Leandro Herrero, these super connectors are twice as likely to influence change as hierarchical leaders.

Find your 3%. Get to know them.

Tip 5: Have a plan

Research by Neil Rackham and John Carlisle found that, one of the main things that made the most effective negotiators successful was the time they spent planning. According to this study, the best negotiators spent around a third of the overall conversation time planning the key things they wanted to say. So, for a 60-minute conversation, they would spend at least 20 minutes in advance mapping out their key points and questions they want to ask.

Here are some questions to help you plan more effectively:

1. What is the most important outcome I want to achieve?
2. Who is it I really need to influence? What approaches work with them? What matters to them?
3. How do I want the other person(s) to feel? What emotions do I want to invoke?
4. What action do I need the other person(s) to take?
5. What obstacles might get in the way of me successfully negotiating or influencing?
6. What is my plan for mitigating those obstacles?

Make these five tips an integral part of your influence strategy and watch your impact rocket!

REFERENCES

Chao, G. et al. (1994). Organizational socialization: Its content and consequences. Journal of Applied Psychology, 79, 730-743.

Conger, J.A. (1998). The necessary art of persuasion. Harvard Business Review, May-June.

Herrero, L. (2014). Top influencers 2, top leadership 1 (Hierarchical power in the organization is half the ‘peer-to-peer’ power.

Innovisor. (2017). How to rethink change with the three percent rule.

Rackham, N., & Carlisle, J. (1978). The effective negotiator – Part 1: The behaviour of successful negotiators. Journal of European Industrial Training, 6, 6-11.

Zenger, J., & Folkman, J. (2016). What great listeners actually do. Harvard Business Review, July.

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If you liked this post, you might also like these:

How to influence when you’re not in charge

What to do when your priorities aren’t the same as your boss’s

How to ensure your staff really understand your expectations

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